This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Graceful Smoldering

It's so disappointing.  To have traveled way out West, seeking peace and fulfillment; to have found one and not the other.  To be a seeker is to realize, eventually, that it's already there.  Then how? How to open up and see what's sitting on the tip of the nose already?  This is good.  This throat clogging, ferclempt feeling of being clogged up with sensation and experience is good.  It's how I used to feel in front of the keyboard, when I was selling my hours and feeling existential dread all the time.  It's a birthing feeling.  Open up more, mama, we stories, we words, we want to live.


It's so uplifting to finally see what's lingering out there, calling my names.  It takes almost no effort to see how many others there are like me, they are filling the land around these water veins, from the basins to the mountains my people are hiding all around out here, like garden gnomes waiting to nip my fingers.  I want to find them.  I want to say to Salamander, "c'mon little buddy! get those legs a walking we have people hiding and must seek!"  And he teaches me more, more and more.  Mama.  Slow down, Mama.  It's all right here, Mama.  Precious means you focus and open up more, Mama, just love, Mama.  Just slow it all down and see what is all right here in your palms.  Love, Mama.  

I have two documents full of words.  I was journaling, then I was writing, then I was waiting to edit again.  Maybe there's no point in editing it right now.  Maybe I could just chop it up into manageable pieces and send it into the ether for eyes and hearts to open to.  

Trusting is difficult.  Opening and softening is hard.  But I do it anyways.  In this moment, because the next one won't matter until it's here.  Opening up and learning that Love is patience, being receptive, noticing what the other is feeling.

Sometimes, when I'm being offered or given help I block it's message.  Instead of saying, Thank You.  I say, Here, Let Me.  There are messages cycling all around, messages just for me, messages just for you.  The message that keeps shining it's way into my heart is Accept.  Love and Be Loved.  It's in so many places. What messages are following you around? 

It's been such a huge learning curve and it's hard not to wish I were up the hill already.  I see so many beautiful loving creatures everywhere and it's hard not to wish I was knowing them, or as peaceful as, or expressive as, or anything I might compare myself uselessly to.  I cease the comparison making, I call myself back to me, I fall into understanding my own beauty and strength.  I believe if I can heal this moment, make the most of it right now, I can heal all broken moments past and future.  

We are here to love and be loved.  Could you be love and be loved? The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.  

In yoga we were told that the Buddhists say that to practice giving love is also to learn how to love yourself more.  


So that's what it is.  This moment.  This moment has a boiling pot of happy vegetables, hundreds of shades of green right outside my window, quietly sleeping creatures of several varieties, cookies, vinegars, plants, and a thread.  A musical thread, a long, strong, wide thread weaving around me and around us all, invisible to the eye but tying us all into a dance.  We can love and dance and live and be strong or we can do the opposite.  I call the life lovers to me, and they call to them their life lovers and together we weave all together a most magnificently strong tapestry.  We weave a cloak for the future.  When the rift happens, be it geological, economical, ideological or other, the lovers will know what to do and the others will take their path.  And who will come out on top?  No one maybe, but at least we will have danced in love and with life instead of trampling and othering.  

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
You really need to tell your stories. It's not just a good idea; it's downright urgent. There's a backlog of unexpressed narratives clogging up your depths. It's like you have become too big of a secret to the world. The unvented pressure is building up, threatening to implode. So please find a graceful way to share the narratives that are smoldering inside you -- with the emphasis on the word "graceful." I don't want your tales to suddenly erupt like a volcano all over everything at the wrong time and place. You need a receptive audience and the proper setting. 

2 comments:

marybeth bonfiglio said...

amazingly perfect....let's keep inspiring each other.

Erin and David said...

love <3