Every one is asleep. My boy is on my left side softly cooing with his exhalations. Things are happening in daily life. Mom and Dad are visiting, things are breaking, food, aches, pains, what have you, but at this page, right now, anything lacking richness, nutrients, organisms, enzymes, or cooing baby breath falls away. Night sky emerges - cold air and snow fall. It's calling me outside, while naked, soft skin and a warm fire keeps me still. Still next to cheeks and tiny soft lips - lips that make me wonder what the divet above an upper lip and below a nose is called. A dew drop could rest there.
My mom has told me about the aching in her heart caused by loving me - I understand that now. With Salamander's new existence here with us, I understand now, the way my mom knows I am just like her. Some how - before him I wouldn't accept it - now I see our identical natures. I see how this love is deeper than others, bigger. My head is where her heart is, just as Salamander's head rests on mine. He makes my chest glow hot gold.
I am divided between the desire to sleep and an utter memorization by his open mouth: the ridges in his dry lips, the inert softness of his vulnerable tongue - oy vey...
I can feel my ability to love expanding with practically every quick breath he takes.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Salamander is born. A perfect gorgeous boy. I went into active labor 24 hours
...ago was probably the word to come next. Unsurprisingly I haven't been able to find time to write since his birth day.
I feel I can't kiss him enough - that any microscopic space of skin not touched by my mouth is enduring a small failure of mine to find and cover it with soft lips and moist breath. I have urges to audio-record the tiniest coos and squeaks he utters so I can listen to them when they've morphed into new language.
Written by ShanaRose at 7:13 PM
Monday, January 3, 2011
The festive spirit was entirely co-opted this year by the spirit of anticipation and excitement that filled our home as we awaited the birth of Salamander. Hadj and I mentioned our holiday festoons a couple of times, but the need to recreate holiday traditions just wasn't in me this year. And Hadj tells me now, he never really even liked Christmas, before this year.