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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

How a Change in Schedule Led me to Jesus, Today

Before I launch this I want to give myself a few props.  I've been pretty good at staying positive on this here blog, and in my life, on a regular basis.  Things have changed rapidly and I've done my best to open up and let it all in without prejudice.  BUT... (kvetch alert) this morning has been kinda irritating.  Please stick with me as I blow off some steam and circle back around to warm fuzzies.


See, I'm still parched in the ways of friendship, which means I spend most of my time alone at the house with the pets and an unorganized wish list of things to be done.  It has its ups and downs and I've been good about keeping a relatively smooth daily routine which allows me personal exploration and good house keeping.  However, I've noticed that my ability to adjust to rare external schedule changes has become rusty.  I was stoked to see a friend from my old cooking gig for lunch today, on posh Bainbridge Island.  I was all ready to get some kind of yummy lunch, and do some home decoration inspiring window shopping, and soul feeding girl talking.  So, when she texted this morning to ask me to postpone again, I was a bit deflated.  True, it's only a one day postponement.  And, true, it's not a big deal at all.  What I'm understanding to be the irritant is that now I have to plan a whole day of something or I'll wind up completely lackluster and on the road to nowhere.

So, I got to work.  I didn't want to wallow too long, because I know it's no big deal and wallowing, for me, only leads to excessive snacking, movie watching, and as Hadj always puts it, having the back of my hand glued to my forehead. 

Oh, woe!
I tackled a few of the social circle creation tasks I've been meaning to get to: finding and scheduling myself to attend a La Leche League meeting as well as a Mother Of Preschoolers (MOPS) meeting.  I'm hopeful that the La Leche League meetings will be informative, but even more hopeful am I that I will meet some other appealing new mother to befriend.  I was thinking the same for the MOPS meetings, which my ex-shrink in town recommended some months ago. I found a website for MOPS which was encouraging. 
Welcome to MOPS - a place to find friendship, community, resources and support for you as a woman and mother so you're not alone.
I began to investigate the site a bit further and noticed a link which gave me pause.  I didn't want to click it, didn't want to know, didn't want it to be true. The link? Faith Position Statement

Jesus is coming! Hide!
Now is the point where I get to dig in and explain myself!  First let me say to you, reader, I love the teachings of Jesus.  Ok, I said that to get the attention of anyone who might be ready to leave this post in disgust because of my seemingly knee-jerk reaction.  I honestly don't know much jack about the scriptures, Biblical stories, or really anything a Christian person, who's been taught, might know.  What I DO know is that the teachings have been corrupted by millions.  I say this in confidence because there are 2,000+ years of documented history of oppression which came/come directly after Jesus's death, maybe beginning a few years before.  Also, I know this: there is no bearded man in the sky who planted a sperm in the womb of a virgin.  It just don't happen like that.  Just like I know dinosaurs existed, I also know that in order for a woman to get pregnant, she must first have sex.  Ok?  Let's keep going, as it's easy to go off on tangents in this kind of discussion monologue.

Here's what I believe about Jesus.  He was a charismatic prophet, a wise man: like Buddha, Mohammad, Martin Luther King Jr., Shiva, or Lao-Tzu.  He was brave.  He spoke his message of love, peace, and respect against people who wanted the populous to be fearful and oppressed.  He catalyzed the under classes and, as a result, was assassinated (like Dr. King). 

I'm guessing you're catching on that I reject monotheism.  I, therefore, reject Christianity.  Incidentally, I also reject ANY religion that uses its message to: influence politics and the class standings of masses of people, oppress, or incite war and/or hatred.

Now, I feel confident that there are millions of Christians (and Jews, and Muslims, and Hindus, and Buddhists, et al) who use the teachings of Jesus (insert correct prophet for the religion here) for good, not evil.  I'm sure, even, that the founders of MOPS are these same people.  I guess what I get hung up on are my own things.  I'm not mainstream.  I have preferences in life that diverge from the norm.  A lot of these said preferences are strongly frowned upon (officially) by modern Christian teachings (though, if you translate the Bible literally, I'm really vanilla...).  I guess it's more a question of my being really turned off.  Also, I grew up in an area chock full of Evangelicals who, on more than one occasion, begged me to let them SAVE me.  Not only was I rankled by such "offers," I was offended.  Maybe I was ruined by a couple bad apples, in terms of personal experience.  However, in terms of the history I have been taught in schooling (which is incomplete, at best), I know I was put off by those bad apples for sure.  Holy wars?  I mean c'mon.

Here's what I am: spiritual and humanistic.  I'm a seeker.  I'm drawn to the mystic aspects of each religion I encounter.  I enjoy when religious teachings accept that they are not a formula for eternal utopia, but instead a guide map to having the best, most ecstatic, most respectful, most moral life possible (as opposed to afterlife).  I believe heaven is right here on earth, is a state of mind.  I believe that humans are animals with sophisticated brains.  I believe that by using 10% of our brains we are existing at 10% of our potential (and that's at best).  I believe that love is the way to god (or whatever you want to call it).  I believe that we all are gods and that Jesus was really good at speaking to that god in all of us.

So, I guess my stance on this whole MOPS thing might be presumptive and hypocritical.  On a person to person level, I can get along with most people.  I just don't want to be preached at.  I want excitement, banal human gossip, support.  I want, above all that, SISTERS.  I want Mom-friends who believe in themselves, in their inherent strength, in their innate ability to reach god through every day details found in a sunrise, a crescent moon, a tide going out, a cat pouncing, a stew thickening, a breeze kissing her skin, and probably soon enough I'll say, in her child's eyes.

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