This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Back to Those Switch-backs and a Story

I resolved what to do about my therapist before I had reached the crest of the switch backs.  After having that in the bag I realized that I wanted to just keep on talking aloud about whatever came to mind on my hike.  I began talking to the baby in my belly then.  I sat on a bench for a few minutes reprieve and just started talking to him.  Before I go on further to tell you the story let me give you two details.  I, we, don't know the sex of the baby, we're not going to know until after he or she is pushed out sometime this December.  However, at about the halfway mark of my pregnancy I began to get a feeling of the sex of the baby.  A hunch, which may or may not be correct, had finally come to me after months of me just really know knowing at all.  The consensus seems to be, from me, Hadj, and some family members I spent time with in Colorado recently, that we can call it "he."  The other detail is that we have known the name of our child to be since before my first trimester was over.  I was keeping it a secret for a long time, but now, after months of waiting and still more months of waiting ahead, I am too excited to do much concealing any more.  I haven't been volunteering it around, but now I will.  The name of kid is going to be, whether he is a he or a she, Salamander.  We haven't decided on what the last name will be at this point, but we do know that the first and middle are Salamander T. 

Welcome to the internetz little buddy!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

How I Didn't Chicken Out and How it Paid Off

As I mentioned yesterday, I have voyeuristic tendencies which I'm questioning the value of currently.  I also have a tendency to use my truly easy going nature as an excuse to put up with less than satisfying situations just so I can avoid having, what I perceive as being a possibly, difficult conversation.  This contributes further to my seeming flighty in that, I will "put up with" something for as long as possible, then I will bolt as quickly and quietly as I can, vainly hoping to seem to really disappear, just because I can no longer "handle" the situation.  I said to myself, as I debated the lackluster therapy, "How should I approach this?  Should I just give it another shot tomorrow? Maybe it felt poor because it'd been so many weeks since I saw her last."  I eventually talked myself out of this approach.  There was no need to conceal my real feelings on it, it would be counter productive to therapy at all, I decided.  I did not want to fear her reaction on my reasons for wanting to talk about my dissatisfaction, there was no reason to do so. 

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

On the Habit of Acting like a Wallflower

Today I told my therapist it wasn't working out.  Some culturally influenced part of me wants to make it a "big, comic deal" and use phrases akin to a break up.  I'm going to refrain from doing that though.  I'm not going to say that I said, "It's me, not you" or anything like that, except there, where I just did say that and must have still needed to get it out of my system.  Sit-com writing aside, I can tell you what happened and why and more importantly, what my point is. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Somewhat of an August Run-Down

Yikes!  A new month again?  I'm just back from a two week trip to Colorado to visit with Hadj's family branches.  The week prior to those two we hosted a good friend visiting from Chicago.  August basically didn't exist in any normal way for me. Since I'm rusty, how's about a quick game of catch up?