This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Coming Back to the River: Wednesday Morning Pages

"Have a good day at work," I said and kissed Hadj.  He walked back toward the house to prepare for his day of brick laying and earth moving.  I walked up the hill to my dome.  I have some morning pages to write.

I can feel my inspiration warm and ooze like sap out here.  My imagination follows the crows' arguing and the flames licking the air.

Music plays from small speakers. My writing desk holds me with a fragile feeling but a sturdy outcome.  Lilies of the Valley occasionally waft into my nose from the vase nearby.  Forget Me Nots bob when I lift the vase to indulge more deeply in the musk of those little bells.

Forget Me Nots, they're called, but what a fantastic name for a flower that could easily be "mistaken" for a weed.  No fragrance, no flashiness.  The small purple flowers cluttered, their name makes me think of a timid bully--needy. "Please! Don't forget me!"

Joanna Newsom is filling filling filling me.
Women of the River!
Diving Knowing.  I am as full as the moon and ready to bow down weeping.  How can joy be so much? Sometimes bounty seems to bounce off me as though I were too hard.

As I write it though my classic, contradictory mind whispers, permeable.

Sigh and hush.  I am so permeable too.

***I must go warm my toes at the fire for a bit.***

Well.  Yes.  I went and warmed the fire, and my toes with it.  I laid back and sang while snuggling my cat.  A knock came at the door.  "Come in!" I sang out.  Hadj pulled aside the flaps and asked me to pardon the interruption, but he had brought me breakfast.

I thanked him and said, "Oh, but I already ate."  He set it down and went back out.

Such a deep pleasure ran within me.  I remembered the feeling from before.  I shook inside, recalling the flight of my own heart and its language.  I stood up to sing and dance.  Then I smelled the protein.  I investigated the plate Hadj had left and found myself hungry for it.  I went and sat on the stump outside my dome, under an old cedar tree.  I breathed in the sun and the buttered bread and the radishes.  Gabbie stood at the corner of the yard while Bella pushed her limits toward the road.

Tim came down with Daisy skipping.  "Hello!"  I called, half-a-mouth-full. "I'm dining al fresco!"
We chatted.  He gave treats to the dogs.  Hadj came down to the end of the drive.  I played with Gabbie a bit while they talked and then Hadj wanted to talk plans and collaborations with Tim.  They walked off toward the house and I returned to my stump.

Daisy gave chase to an alarmed Billie, then Bella chased Daisy.

After visiting was over I came back in, to my dome.  The music was restarted.  I danced and sang.  I fed the fire and the fire fed me.

The fire, the dome, the animals' feeling eyes; working, progress, whole food, and home made bread.

All, All, All. I am drinking from my own deep river out here and so full I might weep as I dance and sing out.


Lyn said...

You are beautiful like this.

Hadj said...

You are beautiful.