There's something too addicting about feeling the feeling of falling in love then having your heart broken dozens of moments every day. Mountain climbing does it. Nostalgia does it. Music does it. The details of every picturesque scene-scape, for sure, does it. I have great relationships to places. I am improving, vastly, my ability to relate to humans. Do you know Neko Case? Her song "Hold On, Hold On" seems to be singing my song to me in the last six months or so.
The most tender place in my heart is for strangers / I know it's unkind but my own life is much too dangerous / Hanging round the ceiling half the time / Hanging round the ceiling half the timeThe last line there is what breaks my heart most, with the insight directly to my core. At center I hold, earthy Taurus keeping myself real, grounded and lovely, but my ephemera is thick - a contradiction to the air it is comprised of. Hanging round the ceiling, trying to leave this world too soon. Sometimes I wish I could burst into confetti when I am filled with joy. Not that I don't adore life and living, and intend to do it for many decades to come, but I get these ideal images of ending on the perfect note in a burst of happiness and clean confetti.
I guess I wanted to spill my guts to you. It's not really on par with "dating sites" and maybe you have too much going on to appreciate it, but maybe it'll call to you. I know I live an hour away, in a perceived backwater where me and mine "bring all the culture" (how snobbish we can be!), but that doesn't seem to stop me this spring morning. I'd love to get to know you and share beauty in words and actions with you.
[That emo, that adoration for the feeling of falling and then breaking in my heart...well goddamn if I don't drown happily in it when ever there's a complex and beautiful woman at hand.]