This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Superwhamadine Purge

There's a made up word that I've heard Navy men use a few times.  Sometimes Hadj will use this word to describe complex Navy stuff he did.  He'll say it was "superwhamadine."  Well, this cleanse we're doing is superwhamadine.  As in it's effing difficult.  As in, total freak out, where am I? what the hell is happening? ohmigod! freak out. 

Monday, March 22, 2010

Sprouting: Parasite Purge Embarcation

The time has finally arrived with the spring equinox; we're embarking today on the parasite purge recommended in Healing with Whole Foods.
The recommended diet is based on one for people with severe candida imbalances.  This turns out to mean that the list of what we "can't" eat seems much longer than the list of what we can eat.  No more animal products: dairy, eggs, cheese, ice cream.  No more sugars, starchy vegetables, very few fruits, almost no bread.  What we will be eating a lot of are whole grains and grain sprouts, beans and their sprouts, cabbage, carrot, radish, celery, grapefruit; many of the sour and bitter flavors in the traditional Chinese medicine methods.  We're back to the raw rice for breakfast for a few days, which is meant to clear out a blocked colon where many parasites lay dormant waiting for your immune system to get low so they can thrive.  Many naps are expected.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Sensuality Sharp and Searing as Fire

Before I moved away from Chicago I made one last visit to my health center, this time for a healing touch session.  I sat talking with the healer for a while before and after she did her work and had the book Your Body Speaks Your Mind by Deb Shapiro recommended to me.  When I got my library card in January I put a bunch of books on request that they didn't have in my local branch and this one finally came in this week. Prior to it I had a short affair with Michael Pollan's book, The Botany of Desire, and also read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and her family.  Thus far it's been a very "food and body" year.  The focus there has only increased since I began my surprising new job as a cook in a simple cafe.  By the way, I do want to get some posts written in the future, about the deep joy that wells up while I'm slicing artisan salamis and subsequently arranging them with arugula or fontina, for instance.

My tendency is to always push for more.  More comfort, more style, more knowledge, more sensuality, more, more, more.  While I feel that is something that makes me the brave, strong, and creative woman I am, it also can run me into the ground.  I am realizing that my greed for a more full life can stress me out.  What I want to do is be more gentle and possessed of a graceful equanimity in experiences.  That does, somewhat obviously, mean that I'm still wanting more, which is painfully ironic to me, but at least the more I'm wanting is one I'm trying not to push for.

Lady Chatterley's Lover has been rising in my heart lately and so has nostalgia.  I am full of vernal, sensual romance about life in general.  These feelings have translated into many wonderful experiences.  Upon gleefully accepting that I am healing in mind and body I also decided to put Deb Shapiro's book back in the library stacks for now.  Though the introduction and first chapter were compelling I'm resisting the urge to push for more and let the knowledge I have worked so hard to acquire settle in.  I'm taking a resting break, from the pursuit of direct learning, during which even more healing is bound to occur. 

Instead, I am waiting for Lolita to come in at the library.  I want to see how I take to Nabokov's most impacting and controversial work.  I plan to be savoring prose, in general, for awhile.  I aim to rekindle my infinite zeal for the soulful music of artistically wrought language and in doing so, also allow the eager student in me a relaxing break, abound in spring-time beauty and linguistic dance.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Reaping Reward, Planting Success

In a post earlier this week I wrote about developing three things for myself: understanding, appreciation, and forgiveness.  I realized, after that dream, that I know how to treat my body right.  I have learned the material. 

Ten years ago I woke up and saw that I was sorely abusing my one and only body. It took me some time to accept that I was regularly over eating, had an imbalanced diet, and unhealthy attitudes.  I accepted eventually too that I needed to get regular exercise and learn how to manage, not medicate, my stress.  Now, ten years later, I finally, really believe that I do know what choices to make to feel and be my best

It is true that I could have chosen to believe this much sooner than I did.  It is even true that I didn't "need" to believe that I was slumbering before and had since woken in a melee of self-abuse.  I know we choose our perceptions, but sometimes, it seems much more like our perceptions choose us. 

Nevertheless! Late bloomer and tough crowd or not, I am here.  I am ready.  Zoom in on my ass, Mr. Deville, cause it's hot and gettin' hotter.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Letter Sent: To a Woman on OkC This Morning

I was sure you'd be an air sign, what with all your interests abounding, but my psychic powers do not yet extend beyond myself and my intimates.  Then I exclaimed, "Pisces! Man, they always grab me like that."  And later, when you said you were "emo in your heart of hearts," I said, "Man! I totally know what she's talking about!" 

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Dreams of Forgiveness

Two weeks ago I woke with a start from a dream.  Its intricacy overwhelmed me so I wrote the general feeling and reaction in my journal:

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Details Sketch from One Month Ago

I'm sure I have mentioned that things were pretty intense on the inside of our heads, separately and collectively while Hadj and I were living with my folks in October.  In that time I began blogging elsewhere because I needed an outlet.  I guess I wanted it to be a bit more separate and only slightly more anonymous.  I only ever got around to writing four posts and now that lovely little blog is sitting, neglected, at The Present Tense.

The name of the blog is from a Gwendolyn Brooks poem.  The line in the title bar was tweeted by Poetry Magazine near the start date of the blog.  How appropriate, to lift the text written by a famous poet from twitter for use in a blog about The Present moment.

My last defense / is the present tense
The first post jumps around in a stream of consciousness style, because the idea I was knocking into over and over was one of wanting to capture it all in words. Now. And now. And now again.  Even the most mundane of scenes can be turned into identifiable art with the right eye for detail and adjectives.  Let me give it another shot...

Monday, March 15, 2010

January Three Minute Sketch

Jeez I've missed my keyboard.  My impulse is leading me all over the place in excitement to write something.  I've got movie quotes, comparisons, kvetches, questions all running through my head and I'm not sure what's going to come out.  I know I don't want to "journal entry" my readers to death, but I don't have a story all cooked up already either.  So I'll say this:

I am not desperate anymore.

I'm not desperate for work like I used to be, I'm not desperate for distraction, for help, for love, for attention or even for ice cream.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Key Fob Sketch

When I was packing to move to Belfair I uncovered a precious old key chain.  It is a simple thing which has my specific name and two lyrical phrases, similar to what you might find in an unusually eloquent fortune cookie.  When I found the plastic fob I remembered how delighted I was to find a ready made retail object baring my unusual name.  It now sits on my desk under my computer monitor.  The time is ripe, I suppose for me to delve more deeply into the meaning of "Wisdom beyond years / In life she'll gain, / By treating others well / Her honor will remain."

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Unwoven Spirit Knowing Sketch

Ever since I was a very little girl I have unconsciously desired to be with the spirit world most of the time.  All my day dreaming took me to the spirit world.  All my alone time, my reading, my staring off blankly, took me to the spirit world which then contained little more than nursery rhyme and images of picturesque natural expanses.

Knowing comes to me now, when I am in this spirit world.  I understand now that I have desired too much time in that ethereal plane.  I have been neglecting the human world in which my body resides.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Action Sketch

In the last week I have met the first three women that I may befriend out here.  I have (with Hadj's help) designed, cut, and passed out "business cards" for my non-entity "business."  I have gone on interviews for two different jobs, landed and begun one of those jobs.  I visited a new doctor.  I drove to Portland - for a three day, two night stay - and back.  I went out determined to get drunk and flirt.  I drew a map on my hand and found out I had North where East should have been.  I reacquainted myself with the stellar locations of Orion, the Big Dipper, Mars, and Cassiopeia.  My garden is not as tended as I'd like.  My writing is unwoven.  I do not do yoga as regularly as I wish to.  One thing changes and it all changes, but I am learning the lessons of who I will become.  I am more capable of accepting now, than ever before, that I am a spiritual being having a physical existence. 

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sharks, Monkeys, and Pigs Sketch

I took a funmergency jaunt to Portland last weekend.  I desperately wanted sublime escape.  I thought it could bring me quiet, time, and space, and would help me garner insights into the problems that were binding.  I brought my journal with, and a bag of vegetables.  I had a couple pairs of socks, a change of clothes, the book I'm reading.  As soon as I finished having my transmission fluid changed on the trusty Subaru, I hit the road with big latte in the cup holder and the empathetic ear of my best pal in Chicago on line.  She was listening to me complain and asking me clarifying questions.  "I don't mean to sound insensitive," she prefaced at one point, "but are you really all that surprised?"  It is no surprise to my ex-lovers; I am hard to pin down, emotionally speaking.  

Wednesday Night Sketch

My hair smells like woodsmoke and the house is silent save for the high wheeze of my computer fan.  Respite from interaction is mine right now, and it is sweet, even though I have had much solitude in the last several months.  Just when I feel that I am getting a grip on some kind of satisfactory routine something changes and I have to move all the pieces and parts that comprise daily living around again.  I may eventually find that I simply must give up one or two of my goals because of time.  I may eventually find that it is somehow better for me to read only one book at a time instead of four.  Some day, I may want to go faster in one direction rather than feel I am a glacial human being, cutting a wide swath ever so slowly.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Sent to a Craigslist Posting Today

A short lifetime ago I spent five years as a highly professional administrative assistant.  Since love has brought me to the Puget Sound to start anew I have spent considerable time rebuilding my life from the ground up.  This building process has included a huge amount of cooking nourishing and delicious meals, organizing two (six if you include the pairs of pets) lives merged into one small space, and seeking footholds in the path to who I will become.  I am a writer, a healer, a yogini, and someday I will offer these services professionally.  Right now, I am a busy ant looking for a fulfilling way to garner more income. 
Please check out my resumes.  I have included my "service" resume, as well as my "administrative assistant" resume.  They are both knockouts and include my contact information. 

Before I leave you to the most special part of this particular letter I want to cover your "small print":  I am available part-time and flexible.  I drive a reliable green Subaru station wagon, which is apparently the mascot vehicle of the Puget Sound.  I quit smoking on my 28th birthday, which was February 1 (go me!).  I have two dogs and two cats, have taught children of all ages and adore them, their humor, and the insightful challenges they present (see "IRD Teacher" on resume for reference).  I wash and dry; sweep and mop; brush and floss regularly, and quite enjoy doing so.  I am a household manager extraordinaire; feel free to ask my fiancee. 
Since you mentioned, specifically, recipes, I'd like to give you a glimpse at the most recent week's menu:
  • this morning: Spinach feta scramble with green olive garnish
  • Sunday dinner: Hoppin' John with brown rice and sharp cheddar
  • Saturday lunch: Winter "Shana Cobb" Salad with dried apples and onions, maple sausage and ham, broccoli, cauliflower, chives, and celery tossed with a poppy seed dressing
  • two quarts: Spicy kimchee
  • last Thursday: Potato leek soup
  • the week's bread: Pumpernickel
  • Wednesday dinner: home-made pizzas with home-made sauce; 1 ham, artichoke, onion & 1 green olive, artichoke, onion
All the best,
Shana R. Cobb
Nourish beginnings, let us nourish beginnings.  Not all things in life are blest, but the seeds of all things are blest.  The blessing is in the seed. - Muriel Rukeyser