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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

(Admittedly Gooshy) Journal Entry, Tuesday night, 12/15/09

I am committed to getting a decent entry down right now.  The scene is perfect.  It's raining on the roof.  The red velvet curtains are drawn.  I've just finished a challenging yoga practice.  Hadj is next door.  The dogs are downstairs and my chakra music is playing.  Where to begin from there?  I've so much going through my brain and heart these days.  Life with Hadj is so simple, beautiful, and enriching.  I am so optimistic and happy.  We are more settled in.  There's even a routine of sorts involving meals, walks, and meditation.  We get work done and take guilt free leisure time.  We play games, laugh, fart, kiss, hug, and wrestle.

The sex is in a surprising kind of infancy now.  Ever since our stay at my parents there's been a shift that we're trying to understand and go through kindly.  It can be frustrating at times for he and I, but we've vowed not to fret over it.  It seems we are both wonder children.  When we set our minds to something we do it. 

So what else?  We've begun our own holiday tradition, because I was yearning for one.  Since Hadj lacked much of a tradition from his life, ours resembles my family tradition pretty closely.  We lit the menorah today and I sang the song for Hadj to hear.  We have a beautiful and tiny xmas tree with baubles and bells and lights and even presents under it.  Today a package came from my Mommy with treats and goodies in it.

Speaking of Virgos [ed. note: obv. I wasn't 'speaking' it on the page. Mom's a Virgo. I follow their horoscopes and events somewhat closely], here comes this.  Devyn sends me text messages still.  He refuses to leave me and be in peace.  My temper really flares at this topic - to be sure.  It angers me.  Then, however, it saddens me that he'd continue to put himself in such a position.  I want it to stop for his sake and my own and any other person in his life.  I want to write an epic letter which casts a spell to ward him off...I just have not committed to doing so yet.  ...I think that's all I'll say about that.

Oh boy. I hope to remember all this goodness.  I know there's so much life to live that it'll be hard to remember it all, but I feel so lovely now.  My life is unerringly simple.  There's hardly any gossip.  All drama is created by and directed at self.  I'm proud, directed, action-full. 

I don't have, or am not doing, everything I want, but I am happy.  At the dollar store today I wanted to buy all sorts of silly plastic crap for Hadj.  Then I started laughing aloud when I remembered him saying the other day that he'd put "Hannah Montana" on the ipod when he meant "Kill Hannah."  He is so sweet, so real, so full and strong.  My heart is glowing warm.

Even the animals seem to be loving more.  And my grandma... cousins... Mom.
Also! I'm learning so much more about how and were I have held fear.  My yoga - though practiced less frequently - is felt more deeply.  My blog contains new networking avenues and I've even put myself on kindle!  I'm stepping into the creative world I've been imagining for so long.  I'm believing ever more.  I'm saying with confidence and pride "I'm creative" to office employers.  Ah...sighs of contentment.  Now I think I'll have some Mommy-shipped cheese and go to Jeff's sister's b-day party.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

considering how quickly things have changed in the scant few months we have been together, we are thriving - not just living. We are still on track.