This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Friday, March 20, 2009

So, What I Really Mean to Say Is...

I will now blog that last post again, with details, and and as little context as possible - just to see what happens.

On Saturday I skipped a V-team meeting and went with Amanda to a Mind, Body, Spirit Expo. I paid $15 for 15 minutes for an akashic records reading. I asked three questions and in return I got 7 spoken and written pages of my past and future.

I asked: Please tell me the ancestry of my spirit, not familial, but soul-wise.
I was told: The lifetimes of my soul are many and varied. One particular soul life was that of a woman in Africa. She was a leader, a care taker, and protector of the women and children of her village/tribe. She protected them from not just men of other tribes, but from animals. This was a truly wild pace. She was strong emotionally and physically. Her work in her village was her passion and her life.

I was awash in the most intense relief and remembering I've ever felt. My head was doing this "wah-wah-wah" thing that I've only ever felt before on drugs. My internal monologue had only 1 thing to say: I knew it! I knew it. I knew it.

I asked: How do I use that knowledge to help me find my way forward?
I was told: This is a very wise question. There are other plans for you. You have the ability to do energy work and heal, but you must first heal yourself. You have a very emotionally charged relationship with males, not just physical men, but with the male energy. You believe that men are disrespectful, dishonorable, untrustworthy. You believe that all men are universally this way simply because they are male. You must heal this before you can go on the healing path.

I was enlightened. Memories again flooded me, but of this lifetime and not soul's past. I knew my next question must involve my mother in some way.

I asked: How do I go from where I come from, my family, to where I will be?
I was answered: You do not talk about it. You do it and they (my family) will see your changes. They will want to know how. They will ask you, hear your answers, and believe.

So that's the abbreviated version without my novella of mental interpretations on top. I feel ajitter and amazed sharing it again.

I walked around in a haze. A woman tried to sell me her earrings, I said, "I can't look at those, I'm not here right now." She handed me a heart shaped sucker and said, "Have this, it'll help." And it did. It was a sucker, and it helped. I later purchased a few ounces of Clary sage oil to help ground me when my head flies off for the hinterlands.

Saturday night I cleaned my house for 5 hours and thought, thought, thought. It was good to be alone. I was still dazed by Sunday, when I had promised to go see the opera "Hansel & Gretl" (by ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINK) in which Ammie played in the pit. I went with Amanda. We were both too abuzz with our yesterday activities and couldn't focus on the opera. We scammed off between the 2nd and 3rd acts and went around the corner for a snack.

I met with Ammie later, and it was wonky feeling. I managed to pull myself to a center of sorts, but still felt all riled up. When we arrived at our destination I put on a happy face and that mask mostly made my thoughts of other things quiet down. We cooked and ate and went home.

I managed to begin something that night that has been repeating: I say, aloud, with 100% confidence, my truth. I say it to people I love, people I like, and people I don't know and it's easy. I only say it if they ask. Usually, it's accepted. I wonder if that's radical honesty. I could know but haven't read the manifesto yet.
So, I began these statements but it was too tired a time for Ammie and I to go much farther than just a few.

On Monday I was not here. I was at work, and not there. I was in my brain, and we were gone. I had therapy. I asked my therapist how I can help loved ones who struggle when I understand how to get out of the struggle. I told her what I saw with regard to the readings and my way forward. I asked her if it was weird for her that I came in and basically provided myself therapy while she listened. She said it was interesting and I thanked her for existing in my life.

On Tuesday, Wednesday, I was not here. I was at work, and not there. I was in my brain, and we were gone. I went with Ammie to my friend's house to visit her cat, Fish, while she is out of town. I tried to talk, and tried not to talk, about some things and may have failed on both counts. They are more personal, non-bloggable things. On Wednesday I went out with a cute new friend and talked her ears off and vice-versa. We talked about ghost spirits, magic, boundaries, energy, sexuality and goddesses. We talked about how people feel familiar even when you've just met them.

On Thursday, I really tried to be here, but then I was at work, and not there. I was in my brain and we were gone. My boss was gone too, so I did a lot of surfing and day dreaming about a life where I all I do is read. I went and played with Fish the cat again, and started a sketch that could be a children's story. My mind turns furniture into children's stories a lot. I thought about the memories I have from my previous soul life. It all makes so much sense.

Today, I'm kinda here. Now I'm here, I'm at the office, but I'm not at work and I'm here (with you). I'm ready for home and music and literature and masturbation and cats and plants and the sunset. It's the vernal equinox. Maybe I'll try to balance an egg on it's "head" but probably I'll worship in my own way. Maybe I'll masturbate a lot.

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