While riding the bus to work this morning I tried to journal some of my experience of the rally in Grant Park on Tuesday night. There was an enormous amount of energy in the air which definitely affected me, and probably everyone. I've been doing a lot of processing this week. It's been a huge fucking week.
I began feeling guilty last night when wondering why I've been posting the happenings regarding Jovan on the internet for "all" to see. I began wondering why I've done that, should I remove it, and what's my point or aim. I think I'm wanting affirmation. I'm trying to learn how to grasp the power I sometimes feel within. I'm trying to learn and teach myself how to be actively pursing my goals and envisioning my future as though I have achieved all I set out to do. This activity has shown me that I have a very difficult time actually setting out to do anything specific because so many things interest me.
I've been wanting my own cheerleader. I want a voice, mine or someone else's, to reassure me that I'm doing the right things, or to tell me that I'm doing what I do well enough. Knowing I want those affirmations has made it easier to give them to myself. I think I posted the earlier two posts because I wanted to see them at a slightly removed distance (my blog?) and also offer them up as a picture of my behaviors for others to comment on.
I think I've done the best I can do. All I can do now move forward and keep teaching myself the power of positive forward thinking and imaginative goal setting.