Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I spiraled down several layers and cried a bit to finish that week. I watched several chick flicks and tried not to emulate their character and drank some glasses of red wine. When I'm sad I am happiest living inside familiar clichés and costumes. When I woke Saturday morning it was the quintessential mid-west fall day in my city. The sky was a plane of serene blue milk glass. I wanted to crack it into shards and rain clouds. I lay restless and inert in my bed, limbs akimbo, wondering why I felt nothing. Hopelessly it seemed that nothing was worth feeling. I came to the understanding that this deceptively pretty Saturday was going to be a day in which I became completely unstable like liquid mercury from a dropped thermometer on the kitchen floor. And so it was. From it I pulled out of my swollen soggy eyes and red nose toward a sharp clarity like the wreck I would break the sky into. I donned oversized sun glasses and make-up, scarves, gloves and cigarettes and laughed mirthfully with my friends. I breathed into my diaphragm and chest and let the nasty energy go away. Of course, the blood that brings positive change and strength followed, ushering me in to another cycle in the life.