The man I love called today and told me of some distressing, as yet mild, symptoms he's experiencing. My concern for him is tangible, yet I am far away and do not want to give more power to negative thoughts than they're due. I sent him a text message full of positive statements to help him feel strong, healthy, loved, and in control of his outcomes. I pushed 'send' and thought about the words I'd sent and how true they felt. I was grounded.
I try never to blow up the magnitude of health aversions, but to tread thoughtfully on the ground of real symptoms, life style, personal history. I see it as counter productive to worry and fret and internet diagnose in a world already so filled with negative energy and treating symptoms rather than people. I never want to over react or be over concerned but I worry a lot that I might under play something important in my efforts, it's an important balance.
My Mom and Dad were in a motorcycle accident Tuesday evening. They are, thankfully, ok. Mom fractured her right wrist and they're both shaken, bruised, and worn, but they had the same lucky light with them as I did the night I crashed my bike. My Mom is irritated with her family's continued asking if they can help. "If you want to help" she says, "just come over and help."
This time around with Devyn I don't think much about our age difference. His uniqueness and individuality is not scary to me anymore, but encouraging. Through the shit we've been through I've learned more about myself in a year than I have in the nearly three I've been in Chicago, and learned even more about loving, giving, accepting, and forgiving. When I dropped the positive statements around him, hoping he'd take them to heart, I felt that same golden healing light I always feel when I'm close to the heart of my matter; they were truths. I wasn't saying something to someone I cared about hoping to make them feel better. I was saying somethings to someone I love because he needs to hear them and remember his strength when he might be feeling weak. I'm going to Mom and Dad's after work tomorrow to make them healthy comforting dinner and to do the same there.
images from: Pink Dog Designs