This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I stood still, agape.

There's a girl I love that I'm not supposed to love so much. I do anyway and at least she knows. She makes me feel acutely aware of myself when we're together, it can be unsettling. I told her about a dream I had a few nights ago. Telling her gave the dream and story of it new dimension. I dreamt of spiders.

There were spiders all around. I held a small, "baby" - I told myself, tarantula in my left palm. Adrenaline pounded in me but I fought the terror wanting to steam out my throat. The tarantula didn't want to hurt me and so I resisted over-reaction and held my palm out steady fingers open. The calm I washed with cleaned the fear into exhilaration.

I was in a room and small light gray spiders streamed on the floor. They moved quickly in lines, hundreds of them. They came from and went to cracks I could not see. I stood still, agape.

I'm growing out of the habit to react loudly and before the last word's meaning has stopped ringing or being spoken. I'm learning that I can keep my hand steady and palm open, no matter how scary the situation might look.

I told her this story, we sat on my bedroom floor. I was facing the wall, facing west and she facing my windows, south. I felt anxiety, fidgeted. I got up, drank some water, sat facing her and was at peace.

There is so much power in these images and ideas for me. I want to be able to write it as such, but I have a surprise party to throw. September new moon is fast approaching; my mantra has been, must go. do. be.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Whatever I Wanted

we are dancing

My head tilted
down to right
shirt bunched on
left hip
hung off
sweaty collar
I finally looked up

Your brown eyes
waited openly
whatever came
whatever you wanted
I straightened up
shot to my nostrils my throat
slackened down.
I stepped to you, because I am
either bold or fearing.

My courage learns its way to center

Right hip towards opposite
Your cheek bones long and
filling the hollows down to your
Naval. I wanted.

What a difference just to look at you.
Shoulders squared to one another
And pelvis I imagined slicking
and under

I am not afraid of my own power.
I am afraid of how I will use it.

Friday, August 22, 2008

It's just so true

Went on a date last night. Has me pretty rosy and aroused today and yet, last week's This American Life on break-ups, still reels me in.

This is the 3rd time I've listened to it and I still love love love the first act in which Starli Kine writes a break up song, a lot of the audio clips are Phil Collins.

I know I'm still reeling from all the shit with Devyn because those Phil Collins songs are poignant rather than hysterically cheesy.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Holy Without Warning

Saturday morning I woke up with a friend in bed and friend on floor. I asked, "If you dream about being abducted by aliens, do you think that means you were?"

Talking about dreams immediately upon awakening is the best way to remember them. The second best way is to write them down. I let sleep fall off a bit before I spoke but here's what I remember. Not aliens, but abduction by life filling love.

I was on a journey of epic proportions (as usual). There was a house of reclamation. A house about to crumble held up by found cinder blocks, teetering brick, and glass cube window pieces. The roof was half off and the plants were fighting the good fight to take back space for the earth. Vagabond gypsy reality thieves were lolling around, it seems there was a fountain somewhere, pouring like a fire hydrant in the city, or like teevee portrays broken water mains. I don't know what I was journeying for.

The sky was black. It appeared a storm front was rolling in: all thunder wall and lightning clouds. I watched in awe and electricity for the storm to hit, but instead of rain, blue lights fell. Actually, they didn't fall, they formed individual orb stars. They formed individually and then got in a single file line and curved and fled a sky dance. The lights waved like Borealis do way up North. One orb of electric blue energy broke off. It sped toward me, me alone, and I saw it coming without fear or question, just observation.

The blue light blended right into me. It entered my body at my chest and I was full. I filled with exorbitant peace, joy, and love. I loved the whole humanity and myth of life with such fervor I thought I would fly. I did fly. I loved all and was one. My dream self slowly gave way to consciousness and deprecation crept in-in the thought of "I am enlightened". This grand conjecture pulled me from real oneness and I awoke.

I made a joke about alien abduction but knew I had just experienced something holy. So holy and so without warning or foreshadow. Just like life itself and all its brief rainbows, bud blooms, and storm clouds.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Dog(ged) Days

Wow. Wow, so busy. This month of August is burning up like wild-fire with no signs of rain. Let's see... there are the vagabond, lovely friends crashing with me for a bit, the other, slightly more anchored, vagabond lover that was here last week. Next week it's the marriage of two wonderful souls (by me, the Reverend!) and the week after Mom's surprise 50th that I'm throwing. Toss all that in with needing to make more money and generally live from day to day and time for writing or reading gets mega crunched. It could also have something to do with a new blog and a tumblog. I'm pretty stoked about tumblr, it encourages me to look for beautiful and interesting things and then to be succinct as possible. The new blog you can check, but the tumblog is my secret for a bit longer.

In fact, if you're a bisexual and would like to participate in Stuffbisexualslike, then let me know and I'll have you send your piece so we can put it in and credit it to you.

I spent 4 hours on Craigslist "adult gigs" this afternoon, while the Chicago world was bathed in perfect blue sky and temperature. I'm very intrigued about what may come and dragging my feet on getting into a another part time wage slave situation. It just doesn't seem smart, even though getting it may be easier. I need to take the time now to set some hustling up right so I don't have to continually earn money, but make it and make it my own.

Ah. I'm done done done with this computing. It's cozy, in bed, Sunday night time.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Living Chair!

Found while traipsing through Stumble on Pooktre

Friday, August 1, 2008