This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Living in Skin

On the outside, it doesn't look like a lot has happened. On my outside, that is. Outside of my outside, Spring has happened and there are people everywhere and the nooks and crannies of this filthy city look appealing to explore again. There are crocuses popping open in white and purple and there are leaves of daffodils and tulips pulling up through the ground and buds coming out of their branches. All of this is very good of course. You'd have to be a seriously grumpy soul not to enjoy spring.

I've crashed a party in the last two weeks, gone where my heart tells me to go, and felt like a proud lioness for doing so. I've also thought that I should invest in a good stealthy pocket knife to have with me when I wander the city alone. I went to another party, like a rave, with lots of people wanting spirituality, along with others just wanting to dance, drug, or revel. I wanted to kiss, touch and experience every one's soul that looked appealing but was instead full of anxiety. What has happened, that not many can see, is that I'm chaffing off that anxiety and learning what neuroses are intrinsic and which ones are just the fear of fully being me.

I've made lists of past things that I didn't like and am trying to learn my patterns. I know again the very staunch importance of spending at least as much time making myself happy as I do trying to please others. More, if possible. I think April is a good month for me.

I have approximately 12 unfinished projects at home and now there are plants shooting up. Time to myself is becoming more important. I read Tara's blog on Chickweed and am reading about the Caryophyllaceae plant family on wikipedia and imagining the lovely blanketed hillside she described. I want to know where too look for Chickweed in these parts. I hope it grows round this area. I can recall at least 1 or 2 unspoiled places not far, sure, they're preserves...but I'm not really morally tangled by that since I will make sure to give back at least as much as I take somehow.

I had my tarot read briefly last weekend. This time there was a 2 of cups and a magician included. Moonbeam, the reader, told me that I'm looking for love with my sacral chakra. She said, it's not there.

I'm doing laundry, playing fetch with Billie, and beginning my Herbal Homework tonight. I signed up at Learning to learn how to make herbal medicines, and got my box last week, which I'm pretty excited about. I think I'm going to keep trying to scale my nasty refined sugar addiction back until my 12 projects are done, then the next project will be kicking the habit totally. That'll be 1 thing to feel good about quitting.

It's my 100th post! Here's a picture of the place where I first learned how to love being inside myself.


Notebooks said...

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Tara said...

You'll find chickweed at the edges of lawns and growing on the edges of streams and rivers and lakes. She's everywhere.

ShanaRose said...

Um, notebooks? Thanks? Are you a blog-spammer?