I've just sat down after a four hour cooking marathon. I made Red Pepper, Lima Bean and Cilantro soup; Ribollito (Thanks for the awesome recipe Laura!); and more garlicky pesto. I made a second batch of the pesto this week due to some more feelings of a sickness trying to creep in.
People are getting a week long killer flu all around and I really don't want it so I'm eating raw garlic like it's going out of style and having lots of peppermint and green teas, and o.j. with honey. I froze lots of individual portions in hopes that my grocery splurge yesterday will get me through the next month since I'm cutting up my credit cards.
The sun is moving for the Western horizon. It's been a lovely sunny weekend here, you can really feel the strength of the sun coming back and the days are noticeably longer now.
My life continues to retain a somewhat overwhelming sense of chaos. All at once my spirituality, sexuality and purpose are up in the air for questioning. The only things I'm certain of are things I decided on when I was a child; like the fact that purple is my favorite color, I love shoes and wanderlust permeates me. Oh, and that I like to ride my bike and write. I don't know anything right now and when I'm asked to talk about my future I cry.
Questions posed to me (by whom or what?):
What do I want to do with my life?
What is important to me?
Becoming an activist?
I hardly know what I'm good at anymore. One thing I do know is that I'm fed up paying my student loans because I want to be able to use the money (I work all the time to earn) for bike parts, travel, recreation. It seems so easy to just stop paying them!
I haven't smoked weed all weekend. It's been hard because part of me feel like it's no big deal, but I'm accepting that it is, right now, better to not smoke.